Get Closer, Take More Risks

Tuesday, 05 June 2018

I think I’m invisible. I’m having fun being invisible. Occasionally my cloak falls off and I am spotted, I slow down a bit and become tired. Demonstrating the speed required to be invisible is hard work, you have to be agile and fit to swim in amongst the oceans of sharks without getting eaten.

Although, I’m unsure of myself, invisible may not be the correct word; ignored may fit better. I am ignored because I am unassuming, not obvious. A person whom often goes unnoticed. A majority of the time is an advantage, but at the end of the day when the camera is put away you want people to notice you again, it becomes an irritating chore to learn how to be seen by others again.

Maybe this is just a feature of the city I work in, the general nature of the inhabitants. Eye contact is a sin in an environment such as this, you can often tell how a crazy a person is by how often they attempt eye contact. Accidentally meeting somebody else’s gaze result in an unique awkwardness and an emergent fear that what might be next is a forced conversation.

I’m not even sure why I do this, I spend an equal amount of time both hating and loving humanity and yet I study them often as an outsider, not entirely sure if I’m one of them, or if I entirely belong.

An instinctively shy person, getting closer and taking more risk is a game of high stakes, sometimes I lose but sometimes the mantra rings true and guides me towards success.

I am sure of one thing, the game that I am playing. A kind of hunt. Jumping into the den of the sleeping lion, patting them on the head and leaving without losing a hand whilst keeping a sense of personal satisfaction and achievement. The reward of this act isn’t even important, the fact that nobody else knows can be part of the same game; it’s a purely selfish act.